When Your Mind Is Thinking Too Much

So this was the last day of my break.  Tomorrow is is back to work.  For the few days I had off I couldn't help but think a lot.  My wheels in my mind are always turning.  The thing that kept popping up in my head is the fact that I am single.  I hate being the one to complain that I have no special someone, but I can't help.


This year in April I will be turning 30.  Back when you are in your early to mid teens you want to date someone for fun.  Then you get into your late teens and early 20s.  By this point you could fall in love or you could just go out and have fun.  You are young and so is the night.  Then you hit the mid 20s and you start to look for a special someone.  Being 30 this year, I am done with "fun".  I want more.  I want that special someone.


Now what I explained does not go in that order for everyone.  It can be different for many people.  It is just how I feel in my mind.  But I really want to find someone I can date for awhile and if things go well, hopefully I can start a family.  The people around me are done with the crazy life.  They are all settling down and yes it makes me jealous.  My sister is five years younger than me and she is engaged now.  I think the guy she is with is great and I will be happy to call him a brother, but it doesn't face the fact I am jealous of her.  I was hoping to be where she is by now.


Also her being my only sibling, she is being praised for this and I am being looked down on by the whole family.  I am not sure if they mean it, but the teasing and the pressuring is enough to drive one crazy.


Oh yes I am not a lazy bum. I go out, I meet women.  But the ones I meet are wrong or if I find one I like, they are taken or they turn me down.  How is it that all the girls I know say I am the guy that all girls want, yet in "real life" I really am not.  There are some girls I know that I really wish I could have the chance with.  Three to be exact.  But one is away forever, one lives to far away and the other just probably would never want to really date me.


Sure I know there is that special one for me out there somewhere and I really don't mind waiting as long as I get the chance.  But I can't help but get anxious when everything and everyone around me is changing and I just seem to stay the same, but get older.


So work is tomorrow.  I am actually happy about it for I can focus on that and get my mind off of this for awhile.