When You Feel Little

Where I work I am always belittled.  Actually there are five people who work here including me.  It is a family business so some of the family is here.  But the main people are my dad and I.  He always talks down to me.  Tells me I am wrong all the time.  Even if I have proof written down, I am still wrong in his eyes.  He wants me to take over the business someday, but how?  How can I when I am always wrong and he will not teach me anything new because he thinks I am a failure.  He will say things like, "it is my fault you are like this".  Yet, he never tells me what he means and still says I am always wrong.


There is only one person at work that does talk down to me but the others do.  It is really stupid stuff too like reminding me what I have to do.  I know what I have to do since I have been working here eight years more than them.  But for some reason they have to tell me what to do.  Or I will be working on something that I only know how to do, yet they tell me I am doing it wrong.  How do they know?  They don't do that work.


Another thing is the fact that no one thinks I am busy.  It is always ok for them to make me stop working to do something, but if I ask for help I always get the same line; " I am too busy".  You were not busy five minutes ago and all of a sudden you are when I ask for help?  Or if I am really busy they interrupt me a million times.  For example the other day I was listening to music on my ipod while I was working.  I had to remove my headphone 25 times in an hour because I kept getting asked questions.  Some weren't even questions, they were just interruptions that made no sense.


One of the workers told me that I lash out too much or I cannot take criticism.  Where the hell does he get off saying that.  First off, he is one of the worse when it come to taking criticism.  Now I understand that sometimes I get mad when someone tells me something, but what do you expect when you hear you are wrong from at least three different people everyday!  Now the lash out part makes no sense because I am the most passive person ever.  They even agree I am, yet one says I lash out too much.  Doesn't make sense.


Now you are probably thinking, "Paul, stop being a baby and tell them how you feel".  Ok let me tell you about the three people.  One is my dad.  I told him and he said it was not true and I am thinking too much into it.  Then he said that I make him no money.  The second guy, instead of listening how I feel, comes back and tells me how I am worse than him and what is wrong with me.  Basically he is changing the subject and turning it around on me.  The last guy just sits there and says ok, but doesn't change.


I dunno what to do anymore.  I rely on this job.  It is the only thing I am good at to make money.  But how can I take over a business if I cannot learn and everyone around me puts me down.  I just don't know what to do.


Sorry for venting, but like I said, this blog is a different side of me.